Hi Gang! Happy Thursday….Happy Spring…Happy, Happy Everything! I love this time of year because my swallows return home to birth their babies. Their mud nest is safely tucked under my front porch eaves, right outside my studio window. I enjoy seeing the multiple mid-day flights of Mama and Papa searching for morsels to feed the babes. The best part is hearing the enchanting chirps, tweets, and coos that float into my space. My sensationally sweet swallows inspired me to paint some new feathered friends…take a peek

My surgeon was highly recommended, confident, humorous, and three hours from my home. This meant I had to stay in a hotel near the hospital for a week. There are concerns of blood clots occurring post surgery, and sitting in a car for three hours would put me at risk for complications. We decided to have Terry pick me up at the hotel room bright and early the day of the surgery. We felt it was better if he stayed at home with my daughter, which meant I had the fancy hotel room all to myself .

It was an intense time of reflection for me. I was a bit concerned about the surgery itself, but oddly excited about getting some good deep sleep. I suffer from a typical Parkinson’s symptom, which is insomnia. It totally sucks, so the idea of being out cold is strangely appealing to me.

I was unable to eat anything for two days prior to the surgery, which was a total bitch. Okay, I could have sugar-free Jello (preferably green!)….which doesn’t count as real food in my book. I was literally starving! I remember I decided to walk to a nearby nail salon to get a pedicure, which meant I had to walk past a row of restaurants. It was murder. When I reached the Japanese joint, I had visions of bursting into the door and screaming “Bring me some chicken teriyaki NOW”!

That evening to take my mind off of my overwhelming hunger, I decided to pull out my art supplies. I always bring a stash of paint, pencils, paper, and markers whenever I travel. So there I sat in a strange hotel room creating hearts that told the story of my soul. I snipped, glued, and drew while images flew into my brain at warp speed. Man, that’s why I love art! It has a healing power that makes the spirit stretch. Ahhhh……

Within four hours I had created over 30 Wise Hearts. I love each and everyone of them. They represent courage, strength, trust, and most of all…..me “grabbing the brass ring”. The Wise Hearts remind me to trust the journey and embrace change. These zany hearts are part of me, and hopefully will become part of you too. Here are a few of my very favorites. Please enjoy!

You’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted much this past month or so. Lately when I sit down to type on my blog, I totally blank out. It bothered me in the beginning, but I’m now going with the flow. This past year has been a huge transition for me. Losing 110 lbs. not only changes the exterior of one’s being, it also changes the interior. It’s been an ongoing journey of redefining myself and understanding what makes me tick. I’m continually amazed how a human’s internal growth is an ongoing adventure.

Of course there is deep elation to be free of all the excess baggage, however losing this much weight in a such a short time takes adjusting to. For me it’s required quiet time to reflect and absorb new ways of thinking. Many people think gastric bypass is the easy way out when it comes to weight loss. This simply is not true. It takes tons of mental focus, emotional maturity, and a strong desire to make serious life-style changes. The beginning phase is challenging because you don’t feel all that great. Your tummy is very sensitive and your body feels extremely vulnerable.

I’m now 15 months post surgery and feel great. The big challenge for me now is staying true to clean eating. I actually feel quite normal as far as eating goes, and could probably get away with eating many foods I had to avoid in the beginning. This is where the discipline and hard work come in. I’ve chosen to stay clear of bread, most dairy, sugar, and pasta simply because I feel so much better without it. My Parkinson’s symptoms have lessened, I have new-found energy, and I feel truly alive. This motivates me to stay clear of these food groups now. The price I would have to pay for enjoying them isn’t worth it to me.

I’m beginning to see how I was hiding behind my weight. Even though I felt miserable and disconnected at 235 lbs., I somehow felt safe from the world. I was insulated from feeling too much in life. My excess weight was a cozy barrier that provided me with a false sense of security. It also buffered me from the reality of having Parkinson’s Disease.

I find my soul waking up more and more as each pound melts away. It’s been an amazing journey, almost like a rebirth. In all honesty though, it hasn’t been free from fear and confusion. At times I have felt unexpectedly raw and vulnerable. As a thin woman in my twenties and thirties my life was filled with fun and adventure. Unfortunately it was also filled with great pain and bouts of depression. Becoming thin has triggered a few old tapes that surprisingly creep in when I least expect it.

Alone time has been very healing for me, and I seem to literally crave it these days. My body and mind feel rejuvenated and peaceful when I meditate and breathe (really breathe). My yoga practice has deepened my self-awareness. Most importantly yoga is teaching me how to trust my body again. My days are spent sweating at Bikram class, cooking for my family, painting, reading, reading, reading, gardening, napping, and nesting with my husband and daughter. I occasionally worry that I have become a recluse and I’m morphing into a cat lady who wears purple. I also worry that I’m offending friends and family members because I have been unusually quiet. I then remind myself that everything has a way of manifesting as it should. Breathe and Relax are my mantras these days. I’m trusting my inner instincts and doing so free from guilt. This feels very healing and uplifting. I like the saying , “Everything in its time”.

When Emma Rose walked out of her bedroom it was very sweet to see Dylan’s face. He looked as if he had seen a glimpse of heaven. He smiled at Emma and said, “Wow, you look gorgeous!” Emma said “Awww, thanks babe”, and grinned from ear to ear.

Emma’s two best friend’s (Savanah and Rachel) and their dates, joined Emma and Dylan for dinner at a cozy spot on the delta. After dinner they had time to kill, so they decided to go bowling! Yes, in their fancy duds! Afterwards they headed to the prom and danced the night away. The night ended at Denny’s for pigs in a blanket, and Emma Rose was snuggled up in bed by 1:30a.m.

She had a great night filled with sweet memories. The next big event is in two weeks. She graduates from high school! Wow, my baby is truly growing up….sigh. Here are a few shots of prom night…sorry for the poor quality, they were taken with a phone. Pretty pics are on the way.

Emma Rose and Dylan

Emma and Savanah

The gang being silly.

Pretty and dangerous!

Chicks being crazy.

Breakfast at Denny’s.

Wishing everyone a beautiful Spring day filled with magic around every corner~

“A True Friend”

“Believe In Your Dreams”

“Iris Garden”

Parisian Plaza

“Painted Pony”

Below are some wise thoughts from Mr. Fox himself….

Mikey says: "Yard work is good for the soul."

Mikey says: "Yoga is good for the mind, body, and spirit."

Mikey says: "Take time to ponder the planet and fill your heart with gratitude".

Mikey says: "Let yourself go and have some fun!"

Mikey says: "Naps are gifts from God. Enjoy them often."

May your day be filled with marshmallow moments! Enjoy…

Bikram yoga is not for the faint of heart. It’s practiced in a 105 degree room that averages 40% humidity. This means one thing….you sweat…a lot. The first week was pretty much hell on earth, but in a wonderful strange way. In the beginning I was full of fear. Afraid I would faint, afraid my Parkinson’s symptoms would worsen, afraid my back would snap if I bent back too far, afraid I would look silly in a pair of booty shorts, afraid I would have a stroke, afraid I couldn’t do it, afraid of being afraid. Bikram is about letting go. Letting go of control, expectations, and most of all fear.

In only two short months I can feel and see the transformation. I actually have muscle “cuts” on my arms now! My thighs have shrunk, tightened, and I see muscle! My belly bloat is gone! I can feel my ribs, yes I have them! My skin is smoother and softer than it’s been in years! I’m calm and present! I’m drinking more water than ever before! I just purchased the first bikini I’ve ever owned in my life! And last but not least, I’ve been able to cut back on my PD meds! Shazammmm!

Another amazing thing Bikram is helping me find is trust. Trust in my spirit, mind, and body. Being diagnosed with an incurable brain disease can really screw with trust issues. The past few years I’ve lost a huge chunk of trust in my body. After the diagnosis I felt damaged, vulnerable, and broken. Bikram is helping me change all that. For the first time in five years I feel strong both emotionally and physically. I feel connected to the planet in a much deeper way.

A big part of this transformation is because I’m finely breathing. I mean really breathing. Yoga is training me to become more aware of the power of my breath. Most of us tend to hold our breath when we get in tough situations. Bikram teaches you how to breathe through life’s challenges. Truly powerful stuff.

Why the heat you ask? Well here’s what Choudury Bikram says:

Yoga changes the construction of the body from the inside out, from bones to skin and from fingertips to toes. So before you change it, you have to heat it up to soften it, because a warm body is a flexible body. Then you can reshape the body any way you want.

Hatha Yoga flushes away the waste products, the toxins of all the glands and organs of your body. It provides a natural irrigation of the body through the circulatory system, with the help of the respiratory system. It brings nourishment to every cell of your body so that each one can perform its function and keep your body healthy. Bikram Yoga also employs heat to further that cleaning process: When you sweat, impurities are flushed out of the body through the skin.

Practicing yoga not only increases our supplies of oxygen, but it also teaches us how to use that oxygen properly – we learn to control the breath through pranayama.

The sense of well-being I achieved after practicing only for a short period of time was truly unexpected. Not only am I feeling a sense of peace emotionally, but also spiritually. I feel incredibly connected to my higher power these days….God is suddenly in my back pocket. This shift happened within the first two weeks of practicing. Change happens fast when you commit yourself to a regular routine of Bikram yoga.

Here’s are more thoughts from Bikram himself on the effect yoga has on emotions:
Bikram Yoga helps balance the emotions in several ways.
Physiologically, regular practice harmonizes the nervous and endocrine systems, two systems which figure heavily in emotional well-being.

In addition, practicing Bikram Yoga cultivates the mental faculties of  faith, self-control, concentration, determination,  and patience.  As we become more aware of our inner life, we notice how events, interactions, and even the atmospheric pressure effect us. When we are aware, we can exercise choice in our response. This helps us balance our emotional life.

I would encourage everyone to give Bikram yoga a try. They say “It’s never too late, it’s never too bad, and you’re never too old or too sick to start from scratch again”.

Namaste

P.S. If you live in the Central Valley in California, check out Bikram Yoga in Stockton. This studio is beautiful and immaculate. The instructors are brilliant, kind, and inspiring. The studio exudes wonderful energy full of love and friendship. I truly consider it my home away from home.

For three years straight I lived on very little sleep. I averaged 4-6 hours a night if I was lucky. Many times I would stay up for 48 hours at a time. Needless to stay I was a bit of a lunatic.

At the time I was on a dopamine agonist, which is generally the first line of therapy for a Parkinsons newbie. A couple years ago I was transitioned to the big dog drug, called Sinemet. The first set of drugs worked as far as symptoms go, but obsessiveness is a nasty side effect. Some patients suddenly find themselves shopping online non-stop, craving sex 24/7, or creating art instead of cooking dinner. My activity of choice was painting. I prefer my new drugs, even though I don’t get as much done artistically.

Lately in between cooking, gardening, and yoga, I’ve been doing 30 minute art drawings. This a a fun way to keep your juices flowing when you’re short on time. Take a peek at some colorful pieces that found their way onto canvas. Remember: Creating art heals!

Her Higher Power

Spirit Of The Dawn

Night Fairy